Cooking with Tyrone

Discussion in 'Gold Mine' started by robopirateninja, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    I'm not a chef I'm just a dude who watches a lot of food TV so prepare these recipes at your own risk

    CARROT SOUP
    A few nights ago I got around to making up a batch of carrot soup to use up some carrots. Measurements are weird because my kitchen is weird.

    1 cookie sheet of carrots
    1 onion
    A thumb-sized chunk of ginger (1.5 inches or so?)
    1/2 bottle champagne
    3/4 bottle Pinot Grigio (opened, "probably from last weekend dude, go for it")
    1 can chicken broth
    1 can coconut milk
    cinnamon
    cloves

    Set oven to 350. Peel carrots, drizzle lightly with oil and put into the oven for 40-60 minutes. You want them to get a little color but definitely no char.

    At the same time as you start your carrots, get out your soup pot and put it on low heat. Add enough oil to make the bottom glisten. Add the onion, diced. Let it cook low for 40-60 minutes. Turn them down or off if they start to look like they might burn.

    When the carrots are done, scavenge some wine, add it to the onions and crank the heat up to high. Attempt to light the alcohol on fire until you realize sticking your arm into a pot to light it is dumb, and that wine that has been open in the fridge for an indeterminate amount of time probably doesn't have much alcohol left anyways.

    Chop the carrots small enough to fit into your blender easily and add to the pot. Add 1 can chicken broth. Add 2-4 cloves depending on the age of your cloves. Reduce heat to a strong simmer and reduce by half.

    Peel and grate in the ginger, removing any of those weird ginger hairs. Remove from heat and fish out the cloves if you can find them. (They are probably soft enough to blend in smoothly but I'm not really sure?)

    Blend soup in the blender, adding coconut milk as necessary because it's probably pretty glompy. Attach lid to blender securely if you aren't considering redecorating in orange stucco. Return blenderfulls of pureed soup to the pot and stir them together along with any remaining coconut milk. (reserve a tablespoon or so for garnish if you are a fancypants)

    Add cinnamon, salt, and black pepper to taste.

    I thought some cilantro on top might taste good but I didn't have any.

    If you want to make it look all pretty make a spiraly pattern out of some coconut milk on top, and wiggle a knife through it. If you do it right it will look like a fancy cup of coffee. You will probably fuck up the first one.


    SLOW-COOKED PORK
    If the Richter scale measured flavor:effort put in instead of earthquakes, this would be a 10.0. It's not really "my recipe" but it's also too simple to credit anyone for it.

    PORK
    1 Pork Shoulder (Also called "butt" and "picnic shoulder")
    1 Onion
    Worcestershire Sauce
    Brown Sugar
    Liquid Smoke Hickory (optional)
    1 serrano chili (optional)

    Quarter the onion and spread the chunks evenly over the bottom of your crock pot/dutch oven. (If you don't have either of these things you already fail at low-effort cookery)

    Salt the pork, then cover the outside in an even layer of brown sugar. Put meat into the crock pot. Add several splashes of Worcestershire sauce. Add liquid smoke and the serrano, chooped up if you want them. (You do)

    Cook on low for 10-12 hours if crock pot.
    Cook in oven at 220 for 5-8 hours if you only have a dutch oven.

    Remove the meat and let it cool before shredding it unless you have heat resistant gloves or metal fingers. Do not discard what remains in the pot. Proceed to the sauce.

    THE SAUCE
    The meat is good, but the sauce is the key. The instructions here are also incredibly vague because when I make this sauce it is usually about an hour-long process, and I never end up with the same ingredients in there. The only absolutely essential ingredient in this is the pig juice. The rest of the ingredients are things that I have used with success.

    1 Pig Juice*
    Tomato Paste
    Ketchup (not really necessary if you use tomato paste)
    Red Wine/Cider Vinegar
    Spicy sauce (my last batch used a mixture of sriacha and regular dave's insanity)
    Garlic powder
    Dried Oregano
    Cayenne Pepper
    Black Pepper
    Cumin

    *Pig Juice: Pig Juice is magic. You cannot buy it in any store. You may also notice that this recipe comes AFTER the slow cooker pork recipe. It can't be made without it. The pig juice will be in the pot after your pork has finished its slow cook. This mixture of water that sweated out of the meat, melted fat and collagen, Worcestershire, sugar and onion juice is the heart of your sauce.

    Strain the Pig Juice into a sauce pot. Reduce it by at least a third (I prefer half) Add ketchup or tomato paste. I advise dried/powdered ingredients because they basically dissolve into the sauce, you can use fresh chopped stuff if you don't mind the sauce chunky. Add whatever else you like, the sauce will be fairly sweet because of all the brown sugar so I like to make sure to get a lot of heat in there too.


    There would be pictures if I had a camera. More recipes when I feel like it!
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2009
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  2. gtoo

    gtoo THE NEMESIS

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    what the fuck is a cookie sheet of carrots
     
  3. phroggonalog

    phroggonalog Dalayan Master

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    a perfectly reasonable fuckload of carrots, it sounds great
     
  4. Luccian

    Luccian Dalayan Adventurer

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    sounds delicious to say the least...
     
  5. gtoo

    gtoo THE NEMESIS

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    is it mounded
    is it flat

    THIS MUST BE KNOWN
     
  6. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    lay them flat, if you pile them up the ones in the middle will steam instead of roasting
     
  7. Ikaa|LoveYums

    Ikaa|LoveYums Staff Emeritus

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    Ohmy.. i have one recipe that i can make and its fantastic. Mind if I share?
     
  8. Mythryn

    Mythryn Dalayan Master

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    Tyrone share your cookie recipe please.
     
  9. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    Go for it Ikaa
    I don't mind if other people post recipes but have it be something you personally have made, just c/ping recipes from some food blog is boring

    I forgot I typed up those cookies on TU forums for Allie:

    DOUBLE CHOCOLATE COOKIES
    Ingredients:
    Dry:
    2c Flour
    1/2c Cocoa Powder
    1/2 tsp salt
    1 tsp baking soda
    1 tsp baking powder
    2c chocolate chunks

    Wet
    2 eggs
    1c butter* (2 sticks)
    1tsp vanilla
    1c white sugar
    1/2c brown sugar
    14g marijuana*

    Remove any pumpkin or pumpkin-based products from the vicinity.
    *Grind marijuana finely, place in double boiler with butter for 30 minutes. Strain through cheesecloth.
    Heat Oven to 350 (or 400 if you have a shit electric oven)

    Cream together sugar and butter until a thick paste. Add eggs and vanilla.

    In a separate bowl mix dry ingredients minus chocolate chips.

    Pour the wet into the dry stirring smoothly until just combined. Do not overmix. When a small amount of dry flour is still visible, pour in chocolate chips and stir.

    Bake at 350 for 10 minutes. If you want crunchy cookies slam the baking sheet down on the counter before you remove them. (This is science)

    *Step is optional but the butter is not.
     
  10. Ikaa|LoveYums

    Ikaa|LoveYums Staff Emeritus

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    Some kinda italian meatloaf recipe

    You need:
    1 lb ground beef
    1/2 lb pork sausage
    1 package frozen spinach (thawed/strained)
    1/4 cub bread crumbs
    1 egg, beaten
    Handful of parmesan cheese
    Dashes of Salt/Pepper

    Dump everything in a large bowl, and combine it thoroughly with hands, ensuring spinach and crumbs and such are worked through. Form into meatloaf pan. Bake at 350 for 1 hr. Feeds 4 comfortably. Reheats and goes between bread well.

    Yeah i suck at cooking, but this is easy and good.
     
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  11. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    I made these at Christmas time, they're a pretty fun and unconventional cookie.
    Don't try and make these without an electric mixer.

    SNOWMAN PUKE
    (I got tired of hearing marshmallows called "snowman poop" around Christmas, this was my response)

    4 egg whites
    2c powdered sugar
    2c Corn Flakes
    2c Pretzel sticks (you may want to crush them lightly/break them in half)
    2c coconut flakes/shredded coconut
    2c Chocolate Chips
    1/2 tsp salt

    Heat oven to 350

    Whip the eggs whites to stiff peaks. This means that if you pull the beater out of the whites they will follow it up and come to a sharp point like /\ and stay that way. If they are thickening up but don't stay heaped up you're at soft peaks, keep going.

    When the whites are stiff, SLOWLY sift in the powdered sugar and the salt while continuing to mix. This is the hardest part. If you try to dump all the sugar in at once and stir it up the air will come out of your egg whites and you will have sludge instead of a light foam-type stuff, which is what you want.

    In a separate bowl mix everything else together. Fold in the egg mixture.

    Drop onto a cookie sheet with parchment paper. These cookies stick like little bastards so you definitely want parchment paper. Bake them for 8-12 minutes, or until they JUST start turning brown. Let them cool on the cookie sheet, if you try to move them while they are hot they will fall apart. The cookies taste best after they have cooled completely, if they are still warm sometimes the middle will have an unpleasant gooey texture.

    If it's exceptionally humid where you live you will need to keep them in an airtight container or they will get sticky.

    You can pretty much substitute anything you want for the dry stuff. I have used both white chocolate chips and butterscotch chips instead of chocolate, and I like them both better.
     
  12. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    I was gonna type up my meatloaf, it's popular around here. It's pretty similar to Ikaa's though. (I like some onion in mine, and I've never tried spinach but there's a package in my freezer I've been wondering what I should do with!)

    I'll just add in my recipe for an awesome glaze, to be applied with 10 and 5 minutes remaining:
    2 Parts Brown Sugar
    1 Part Ketchup
    1 Part Balsamic Vinegar
     
  13. vistachiri

    vistachiri Dalayan Master

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    Oh here we go. I'm guest starring on cooking with Tyrone.

    Australian Lemon Risotto

    First, you want to take a medium sized white onion. Chop that shit up right fine. Then you want to take about a stick of butter, and heat that up in a pan (careful, do not brown it, if you suck at this, add a tiny bit of oil, the butter burns less easily that way). Once you get it all melted, toss in your onion bits and cook that up until they're soft. Should take less than 5 minutes. Then you take some rice, about 2 cups, add that in. Then you want to take the grated zest of 2 lemons, the juice from a lemon (freshly squeezed you fucking plebian, none of that store bought shit if thats what you were thinking). Huck in 4 cups of chicken broth. Then cook it partially covered for about 20 minutes. At that point the broth should be absorbed, don't forget to stir it frequently. Sometimes you may want to add a cup of ricotta, but thats more a taste thing. Then toss it a bit, to loosen things up, and throw on a half cup of grated peccorino romano cheese and serve.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2009
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  14. Ikaa|LoveYums

    Ikaa|LoveYums Staff Emeritus

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    Aisling's cooking is far more fun than mine. I need more hucking.
     
  15. Raralith

    Raralith Dalayan Beginner

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    Recipe:

    Wife Makes Food
    1. Get a job
    2. Make money
    3. Buy ring for wife
    4. Get married
    4a. Get tax deduction
    5. Wife makes food

    Serves as many as needed, cost starts out high, but it works out in the long term. Think CostCo but bulk is now 50+ years.
     
  16. Vartenaal

    Vartenaal Dalayan Beginner

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    haha beautifully put vistachiri, got a good laugh outta that one at work with people staring at me - they just dont understand that cooking CAN be humorous.

    btw Tyrone, awesome thread man, defo gonna try some of that porc butt stuff
     
  17. Ikaa|LoveYums

    Ikaa|LoveYums Staff Emeritus

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    Sausage is for flavor, unless you are one of those that puts ketchup on your meatloaf, in which case, it doesnt matter what you put in it, its going to taste like ketchup.
     
  18. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    Someone else bumped it so I guess I gotta add some content now :toot:

    Stuffed Pork Chops

    BRINE-
    A brine is basically water with as much salt as will dissolve in said water, plus some flavoring. You can brine for anywhere from 2-12 hours. You will want a saltier/more flavorful brine for a shorter time. Brining will make your meat juicier when you cook it and is an effective technique for poultry and pork. Most brine recipes make an insane amount of brine because they are used most often for whole birds, but when youre just doing a couple pork chops there is no reason to make 3 gallons of brine.
    Ingredients:
    1c HOT water
    a big handful of ice, some more water (cold)
    1/2 cup salt
    1/2 cup sugar
    Black pepper
    *other seasonings* (I have found that spices work better than herbs in general but you can kinda go nuts here, the flavor makes it into the meat but it's not super strong)

    Dissolve the sugar and salt into the hot water. Make sure that it is fully dissolved, then add enough ice and cold water to cool the brine back down. (Hot liquid will dissolve solid crystals like sugar and salt more easily, but if you put your meat into hot water it will begin to poach it, which is not what we want. As long as the hot water is not supersaturated the dissolved solids will not separate out when you add the cool water.) Add the pepper and other seasonings (optional, really) and mix thoroughly. Pour the brine into a ziploc or plastic container deep enough that the chops can be fully submerged inside, and add the chops. Refrigerate for desired length of time.

    When you remove the chops from the brine, rinse twice with cold water and dry them before you cook them.

    STUFFING
    For me, stuffing is all about cleaning out the refrigerator/winging it. The other night, I had a cornbread muffin I brought home from work and didn't eat, and decided to make it the base for my stuffing. When I make a stuffing the general ingredients are: Bread, an herb, onion, and then the "other bits" which range from other vegetables to dried fruits to nuts. This is the stuffing I made the other night.

    Ingredients:
    1 Corn bread muffin
    4 oz dried cherries
    Fresh sage
    1 clove garlic
    1 shallot
    salt, pepper

    Put garlic and sage into food processor and get it to somewhere between "minced" and "paste." Make sure the bread is dry, you can toss it into the oven if you need to. If it's crumbly, just crumble it into a bowl, if not toss into the food processor. and pulse a few times until it is crumbled. Chop the cherries and mince the shallot, add to the stuffing. Salt and pepper to taste. The stuffing does not need to be too wet, it's going to go inside a pork chop and suck up a lot of delicious pig juice. IF you still think your stuffing is too dry, consider adding an egg or a small shot of stock, but this will PROBABLY be unnecessary.

    DA CHOPS
    Pork chops are great, but jamming something inside a porkchop raises it to sublime. Make sure that your porkchops are decently thick, or you will overcook the outside before your stuffing is properly cooked. They should be at least 3/4 of an inch thick, but any larger than 1.5 inches is probably overkill.

    Ingredients:
    Pork Chops
    Prepared Stuffing
    Some oil

    This is the magic secret to stuffing pork chops without making a godawful mess. Alton Brown does it in Good Eats but I would swear I had done it on my own before I saw him do it.

    First, the knife. You do not want a big-ass chef's knife for this cut. What you want, is a boning knife. This knife will have a long, narrow, thin blade. It will also probably be one of the sharpest knives you have because it's hard as hell to use the blade to chop/cut anything and most people don't know dick about breaking down an animal carcass. If you don't have a boning knife, a paring knife (fruit knife) will work almost as well.

    Lay the chop down flat and slide your knife in from the side in the center of the chop. Wiggle/cut with the knife until you can feel the knife poking out from the outside of the chop, WITHOUT MOVING THE HANDLE OF THE KNIFE. If you do this correctly your pork chop should end up like an envelope made of meat with only one small opening to the outside. (diagram follows)
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    That hole? Jam some stuffin in it! Fill the cavity. The chops should bulge a little but try to keep them them from being lumpy, spread the stuffing evenly.

    Heat Oven to 350 degrees.
    Get your cast iron pan medium-hot. Sear chops for two minutes per side (or until golden brown). Put chops in a roasting dish with a splash of broth, white wine (red will make it look funny but tastes ok) or water. Roast covered in oven for 25 minutes, or until meat reaches 140 degrees (fuck you this is supermarket pork not a wild bear. Trichinosis is for old people). Rest meat under a tinfoil tent for 5 minutes before cutting/eating. Pre-slicing and fanning them looks pretty but will make it go cold super fast so use your judgment.

    The chops will be delicious and plenty juicy on their own. However I am a pretentious fuck and I also made a red wine reduction with some more of the dried cherries and some chicken broth. I also added a splash of the juices from the roasting pan while the chops were resting. Just put the wine, stock and cherries on a very low simmer before you start everything else. Keep an eye on it and adjust heat as necessary to make sure it is a little syrupy when the meat is done. If your stovetop's dial goes to 10, you won't want to let the heat get much above four or you'll risk burning.
     
  19. Ashleigh666

    Ashleigh666 Staff Emeritus

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    Location:
    bay area
    racial relations toast:


    -1 slice whole wheat bread(or whatever bread you like)

    -nutella

    -plain cream cheese (your choice of whipped or not)

    spread nutella on one half of the toast (vertically is preferred)
    on other half, spread cream cheese (again, vertically)

    optional: fold toast in half hotdog style.

    enjoy. mmm.
     
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  20. robopirateninja

    robopirateninja Staff Emeritus

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    Get your interracial bread the fuck out of my thread.
     

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