This thread has gotten WAY off-topic: "Cooking with Tyrone". Time to fix that.
1 whole Tyrone
1/3 cup plain distilled vinegar
1 1/2 cup chopped carrots
1 1/2 cup chopped celery
1 1/2 cup chopped onions
1/3 cup sunflower oil
1 tblsp kosher salt
1 tsp thyme
1 apple
The day before cooking, wash Tyrone inside and out; soak in very cold water with vinegar for a few hours. This freshens and whitens the meat. If Tyrone is frozen, he can defrost during this soak. Sweat the carrots, celery and onions in the oil for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. The onions should become somewhat translucent, the carrots slightly caramelized. Add salt and thyme. Dry Tyrone thoroughly inside and out. You may stuff Tyrone with the vegetables at this time; however, if you use a conventional stuffing, such as one for a turkey, wait until just before cooking and make certain that Tyrone and stuffing are at room temperature. Suiture Tyrone closed with the vegetales inside. Preheat oven to 450F. Place Tyrone in the roasting pan; he may have to be placed diagonally. Tuck his legs in with his knees to his stomach. Tie Tyrone's arms to his sides with butchers twine and his head facing forward. Place a small piece of wood in Tyrone's mouth, opening it as wide as you can to set the jaw during the cooking process. Bake at 450 degrees fahrenheit for 2 hours, basting every 15 minutes, then lower the temperature to 325 desgrees fahrenheit and bake for another 12 hours, basting every 30 minutes. Remove Tyrone from oven, cover loosely with aluminum foil, and allow him to rest for at least 1 hour. Place Tyrone on serving platter, and replace the wooden block in his mouth with the apple. Any juices remaining in the pan may be used to make gravy. Feeds 30 Gnomes or 2 Trolls for 2 days.